I am left asking, "Why my son?"

You will have to excuse my scattered thoughts...

I have a doctors appointment for my son Jerimiah on the 4th to confirm mine and his doctors suspission that he has Sensory Processing Disorder or SPD. I am so nervous and stressed about it that at times I feel ill.

You see since Jerimiah was an infant, I have noticed things that I have found to be not normal. Foods that make him actually throw up, the light so bright he would scream and cry when he was only 6 months old. Loud noises would upset him so much that I would pray that when we went somewhere nothing loud would happen. Picking him up sometimes he would fuss like he was in pain, and an overall constant emotional distress.

Now that Jerimiah is 6, we have noticed that these problems have turned into much more severe issues for him. His teacher requested sunglasses because he refuses to go outside when it is even a tid bit sunny. He says his eyes are burning. He gets excited to eat some of his favorite foods and then throws up when he tries to eat them because of the texture. He often cries after school when it has been a louder than normal day. He gets angry VERY easy and his feelings gets hurt even easier. He is always emotional, get hurts really easy and just plain seems so depressed all the time.
He and I talk about it a lot, his feelings, why he feel that way and what we can do to work together to make things more manageable. He has throw up at the dinner table twice this week and we are only on day two. When Hannah accidentaly steped on his hand, he was in so much pain I thought he had broke his hand.I have now realized that this is beyond me.

My heart is broken, I feel like I have failed my son. To see him struggle daily has become too much. To see him hurting physically and emotionally has taken its toll on him and our family. I have to get help.
I have spoken with his pediatrician and she is sure that Jerimiah has this very strange but very real disorder.

So what is SPD?
Sensory processing (sometimes called "sensory integration" or SI) is a term that refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses. Whether you are biting into a hamburger, riding a bicycle, or reading a book, your successful completion of the activity requires processing sensation or "sensory integration."

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD, formerly known as "sensory integration dysfunction") is a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses. Pioneering occupational therapist and neuroscientist A. Jean Ayres, PhD, likened SPD to a neurological "traffic jam" that prevents certain parts of the brain from receiving the information needed to interpret sensory information correctly. A person with SPD finds it difficult to process and act upon information received through the senses, which creates challenges in performing countless everyday tasks. Motor clumsiness, behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, school failure, and other impacts may result if the disorder is not treated effectively.

Sensory Processing Disorder can affect people in only one sense–for example, just touch or just sight or just movement–or in multiple senses. One person with SPD may over-respond to sensation and find clothing, physical contact, light, sound, food, or other sensory input to be unbearable. Another might under-respond and show little or no reaction to stimulation, even pain or extreme hot and cold .These kids often are misdiagnosed - and inappropriately medicated - for ADHD.
From the SPD Foundation website http://www.spdfoundation.net/

Scary right? Well it is too me anyway. It is never easy to know that your child is struggling with a disorder that can be so crippling to them. Absolutely tear your heart out devastating. This may not see m like that big of a deal compared to cancer, or many other illnesses but even so to watch your child go through this is....there are no words.
I hopeful and confident that his doctor can help us. Most effective treatments are OT (Occupational Theraphy) and that is what we will be trying with Jerimiah once the "official" diagnosis is made. I am praying that this helps him. I have to get him help. I just have to. I want him to feel like every other kid. I want him to be able to go to his friends house and not dread the food they cook or the noise level.I want him to be able to rough house like every other little boy and not be in agonizing pain. Really I just want what every other mother wants for thier child, I want him to happy.

If you have read all of this I am impressed. Truth be told I wrote this more for me as a way to let out some of my emotions that I have struggling with. I have been keeping this in because I don't know how to deal with it yet either. And to many of my friends whom I have been short with lately I truly apologize. I have been keeping this all so bottled up that I haven't had much emotions to spare for anything else and I am sorry. I'll update after his appointment.