I have to first thank my best friend Lindsi for inspiring this blog. Her blog last week reminded me that it is okay to not be perfect all the time and to admit when I am having a horrible day, without fear of others looking down on me. So here goes....please don't judge me. This week I am going to make a confession ever day about being a mother or wife that I would normally keep to myself out of fear of judgement. I am going to make a goal to share how I am really feeling without holding back.
This year has been one of the most difficult years I have ever had. There are times when I want to go out and throw and few of the dishes on the ground. I am overwhelmed and under appreciated. Since I am a stay at home mom
some people automatically think that you have NO job. Grrrr.....they have no idea how much more difficult it is to stay home with them, than to drop your children off each morning and head to work. I have done both and for
me staying at home is much more challenging. Now before all the working moms out there start flipping out, I am not saying that you do not work hard or that your life is easy I am simply voicing my opinions from my experience with working outside the home.
My Confession #1
Recently I have started getting
very serious about finding a job outside the home. I have realized that I can no longer be a stay at home mom. I have no identity anymore besides being "
Ben's Wife and Hannah and Jerimiahs mom" I am no longer Stephenie and I feel like if I don't get my identity back I never will. I am not saying that I don't want to be the wife or mother but I need more than that.
I am
wornout exhausted, cranky, emotional, and overworked. There have been times when people have suggested that I take some time off school, and even though I know that they are trying to help that would only take more away from what I am trying to do. So for now the job search continues and I pray that I find something before I lose what's left of my mind ;)I know that people will be thinking "Why do you want to be away from your children?" And I get that, I would probably say the same thing before I felt this way. However, I also think that everyone is different in their aspirations, there are many moms that want nothing more than to be a stay at home mom and then there are us few moms that hold in the fact that we are dying to get out and away. There is nothing greater that God has blessed me with than my children but I think that me being a stay at home mom is no longer for me and more importantly
them. I know that they would be happier all around if I was happier, and that means me working outside of the home. So there you have it, my confession for the day. Try not to judge me
too much.
